пʼятницю, 26 липня 2013 р.

I, Looser...?


There is a thought that bad things happen with bad people or at least with those who deserves it. Is that really true? Does the crisis always a bad thing? These questions I asked myself. And what I’ve found? Yes, the crisis is a bad thing – ordinary people told. No, it is not, it opens new possibilities, - persuade modern scientists. So where is the truth? Somewhere in a middle.



I’m going to tell you a short story of my being a winner and a looser at the same time and you’ll tell me after all whether the crisis is a bad or a good thing. So, let’s start.


All my life I was sure that everything is perfect. Yes, sometimes different difficulties happened, but I didn’t know that there is another way to be. My childhood used to be calm and submissive. I did what I was told to do, went to bed at 9 p.m. even when I was 13. That was my family order, and I accepted it. My life was totally planned and predictable. And it wasn’t bad. I had everything I needed – home, loving family, a friend, vacation to the seaside every year, a dog.


But not everything was so pretty when you look a bit more attentive. My mother was a dictator at my education. I had certain rules, for ex. read at least 20 pages of a dull (as for me) book before going outside to play with my friend or to do my homework twice (or even three times) before turning on the TV. A had only one friend except my cousin. At school I was a geek, I played all alone all the time, I’d never went out for holydays with my classmates. I had no boyfriend :). Funny, huh? My dad had spent a lot of time with me but sometimes he was very impulsive and that hurts.


One day suddenly something had changed. My parents had to move into another city to create a basis for my higher education (that was what they have told me). For the last two years of a school I was left alone with my grandmother, who I loved very much, but this event forced me to hate her. I was supposed to help with housekeeping, cooking, going to the market etc. I was jealous about everything in the house, because it was my house, not my granny’s. I had to adapt to her, to new rules, to my new role. First thing I remember my granny told me was: “Don’t you dare to come back home after a school holyday before 10 p.m.” I didn’t know what to do with it, because I used to sleep at this time. By the way I had no friends within my classmates. It was shock for me! But a human being is a really amazing creature. I sorted it out very fast.


Two years past and I had to go the university which meant to move and to sell the house. You should saw my reaction. I was rebellious, I wanted to take a time in this process but I had no power for it. So I gave up. I moved to Kyiv. There my new life started. I lived with two girls and we had to adapt to each other through the fights and arguing. After first year at the university I loosed my discount and had to find some way to compensate it to my parents. It was a stupid history exam; I’d got B instead of A and when I came to pass it one more time the teacher hadn’t even asked me. She just listened to the other and went away. It was a disaster. I used to be an A-student, because my mom taught me so (when I got B or C she make me feel sorry for it, telling that tomorrow I’ll got D and the day after tomorrow I’ll be out of school). That history exam was something very unusual for me. (Later there would be another such exam (not history), which will stimulate me to learn the hole book by heart:).


5 months later I got my first job. That was something. I was nervous but I got an opportunity to pay for my study and to send some money to my granny. It was awesome to feel financially independent. Then I’ve got another job, went to music school (because my mom used to tell me I have no talent for it) and started to develop my professional skills.


Now my life is unpredictable, unusual for me. I don’t know what to expect next moment. At the time I think I have everything I loose almost everything – stability, understanding, sometimes support. My life is like a roller-coaster, you achieve, you’re going up and then something switches you off and you need to start it over.


Now I ask myself: “How did I get here, how did I handle with all of it till now?” And my conclusion: I am a looser and that is fucking great! Because now I’m totally sure that you can’t be a winner without being a looser, this is a stimulus to move forward, don’t stop and grow up! And what would you tell me?

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